Recognize and Celebrate

Oh, those early days- Reid was everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. The house was too big and the to do list was enormous. Now, at 2 1/2 years in, I have moved into the space and made it my own. The list is still enormous but I pick at it. He still consumes my mind but I am ok with it now. At times it is so consuming it's like he is with me and I am going to just go with that for today.  

I recognize my progress and find that recognition to be critical in healing. If I don't think I am making progress....well, thinking like that is not an option and NOT how he wants me to live. Celebration is the only way and yes, you have reason to celebrate....which brings me to the day of the towel hook. 

I remember just a few months after.., the weight of this all was still so heavy. Taking care of the house, cars, yard, kids, pets was all becoming overwhelming. Was I ever ever going to make any progress? Then, one day I had taken a shower and went to go hang up my robe. My hook was full of hangers and towels- clearly occupied. I stood there and stared at his hook. The empty hook that was not occupied. It never would be. I clearly remember going through the deliberate motion of hanging my robe on a hook it has never touched. I seriously let out a "Ha! Check me out!". It might sound silly but it was anything but. I walked through the rest of the day confident. 

Victorious. 

Making progress. 

Our Last Date

Our last date. After months of ups and downs with his health we had entered another watch and wait period and we were finally using our gift certificate from Ryan and Katie to Ox. It was June 4th and we privately called it our “hope for health” dinner. We were bringing our own bottle of wine- Heitz Cabernet. Heitz was such a significant part of our journey. We would sit at the ‘round table’ at the restaurant where we met and drink Heitz Zinfandel. It was my introduction to red wine and a favorite of ours. Back then, they were just a little shack in Napa which we eventually visited shortly after we got married. They don’t do Zin anymore so for this date, I grabbed a cabernet. We were talking about looking like “that guy” who is bringing our own wine because we are too cheap to pay restaurant markup. We hoped the server didn’t hate us. When we got there, I was thrilled with our seats because I had read that it was the owner's favorite seat in the house. We were so lucky! I told the bartender that we had our own wine and we waited for ‘the look’. He took it and said “Wow! This is a fantastic wine! I used to live in San Francisco and visited this place years ago. Nice choice!”. What a relief! He took amazing care of us. Brought us great samples of goodness, knew the menu well and we followed all of his recommendations- that was a delicious decision. We visited with him, with each other, laughed…...it felt so so good. It’s like he knew it was our last date and wanted it to be perfect. It was. He made the good list for sure.