Two years ago, I put in a new patio which required me to move Reid's favorite plant in the yard; the palm tree. This tree has a funny background as we had no idea how big it was going to get and quickly outgrew it's spot- right against the house. He cared for it, trimmed it up, researched palm trees in Washington state and it continued to grow.
But I had to move it and it fit it's new location perfectly. I could see it from my kitchen window, it shaded my new patio nicely and made some good whispering noise when the wind blew in it. I LOVED living with it every day. So, when it showed signs of sickness, I tried a few different things, with no luck. Finally, one day, after my race day reflection, I pushed it to see how sturdy it was. I pushed it right over. With ease, it fell to the ground. It was done. His favorite palm, my comforting shade and afternoon whispers- done. Gone. Forever. Seeing it laying there triggered emotions. But wait, I'm done with these waves, right? I closed that chapter, right?
That night, I went to my friends house (conveniently located across the street). I provided the bottle of wine and she provided the tissue box. How could this be hitting me like this 3 years into this life?! I just had this milestone and here I am like it's day 1. As always, she was completely reassuring as she drew from her, unfortunately, own extensive grief experience.
Here's the difference. I didn't stay there. It was just a quick reminder that it never goes away but it does get easier and is less frequently so disruptive. Sure, the unexpected trigger will get you but it is much easier to see it, feel it, experience it and then, walk away from it.
When palm trees fall, give yourself the grace to feel it and then get it hauled away and return to that best life you are trying to live. They want you to.
