Where am I going with this? I have often said that grief will test your faith but I think I am discovering that it has tested my lack of faith. I have always questioned the lessons about what happens after we die. Heaven, hell, God, gods, Jesus, Buddha, after life, reincarnation....so many possibilities. What if we are just here and then gone and there really is nothing bigger than us? I don't like that thought and, now, I don't believe it at all.
Maybe the fact that loss makes us desperately want to believe there is more than this short life that it opens our eyes to signs of something bigger that have been there since the beginning of time. The beginning of time. Think of that. If I try to, it hurts my brain. Is there such thing as the beginning of time? I digress.
I never had this obsession with the universe until I started this chapter in my life. There is so much going on out there how can something NOT be making it happen? I know, I know- it's all science. But Science is the study of the behavior. It can tell us that the planets won't fall out of line but not why or how that is possible. Did the universe have a start date and what does that mean? What was there before the start date? What's at the end? How can there be an end and how can there not?
Whew, this writing might seem a little off the wall to some. But all of this kind of thought has made me come to the conclusion that there is no doubt something is bigger than us-much much bigger. I see signs of those who are 'gone' and chose to really see them - It just makes sense and it is enormously comforting.
This is all part of my transformation and it works for me.
Soak in the sunlight on this longest day. Next year it will be on June 20th at 2:43pm PDT. I promise.
