Attention Newbies and their Support System

As I reflect on the weekend of wine, food and gratitude that I just had, I am so distracted by a few that I know that have just started their grief journeys. So, here are just a couple of hopefully reassuring thoughts as you find yourself here, your first without or even at ground zero. If you can relate, don't assume that means you are normal- just that you are not alone. Jury is still out on my level of normalcy.

- Your brain doesn't work. Frustrating!!. I would sit in front of my computer, ready for a day of work and my brain just wouldn't kick in. It's like I flipped a breaker or something and simply cannot turn it back on. Or sometimes it does work but not rationally. I remember one day sitting in front of the google search bar really wondering if there is an afterlife and if Reid is still here with me. Not sure how I thought I was going to google for that answer. True story. 

- On the topic of your brain, don't let your forgetfulness scare you. Journal. Journal everything you can because you will not remember these days right now. Some will be good days and you will be happy later to learn you had them. Write. Write. Write. 

- You will question your faith no matter what it is. I would also caution anybody on the support team about sharing your faith. "It's all in Gods hands", "Prayer works", "Its part of his bigger plan"......all of those don't really do anything for anybody who is in grief- possibly even worse to somebody who is sick. Personally, I find nothing wrong with challenging your faith or maybe even finding it elsewhere. It can be an interesting journey.

- There is an identity crisis that seems to creep in. Maybe you were the care taker, the wife, the son.....whatever. There was a purpose you had in this persons life and there is absolutely a void now. Sometimes, it is really helpful to be helpful to somebody else. I remember a good friend confiding in me about her separation from her husband. She didn't want to "burden" me with it and I was so much better that she told me. For me it felt good not to be so needy and really good to be helpful. For the support team on standby for what you can do best- be cautious here too. Everybody is different. 

- Grief is heavy and can take your breath away. I was walking through the store for some basics, milk and eggs or something. Everybody was hurrying along in their fast moving world- a world completely different than mine. I wondered if I looked odd to them as I felt like I was barely breathing and barely moving. Apparently, my autopilot is a good one. 

Let yourself have ugly moments but don't stay there. There was something about you that your person loved beyond words. Don't stop living how they loved you to.

Honor them by really living this one short life.