Hope is a Gift

"I don't want her to get her hopes up."- I think of how many times I have said and heard that phrase. I am much more selective in how/if I use it now.

I look back on our last year and think of how hope got us through everything. It gave us something to look forward to, to plan for.....to hope for. What a gift. It is not until your mind, body, heart, God...whatever your beliefs....not until you are ready to accept a situation of no hope that you do. That moment, too, comes with a grief of it's own that some need to endure for so long- unimaginable. On his last day, it was time. It was time for me to accept this situation of no hope. It was time for those he held so close to say good bye to him ..........and to their hope for him.

Dr. Laura talked to my girls for me. I was busy keeping Nurse Laura on the pain treatment and, as Wife Laura, giving him love and permission. Dr. Laura gave my youngest the facts. She was barely 13 years old. She was about to lose the man who jumped on a plane with his brother 10 years prior to pluck her out China and complete our family. She wasn't thinking of this. That was my job and I was. How unfair to only have a Dad for 10 years yet, how fortunate it was him.

Her young mind wasn't ready to accept this and really that was ok- it was taking care of her. Her aunt, Katie, asked how she was doing. Her wicked smart mind, that was not yet ready, responded. "Well, I still have a little tiny bit of hope. I have one cell of hope. Actually, an electron, which doesn't have any mass so not alot of hope but it's there."

Let them keep their hopes up as they need to. It's a gift and it will be gone...... when it's time.