If I knew then....

If I knew then, what I know now........

So many ways to complete that statement. It has been one that has struck me in this last couple of years.

I know today is a reminder day for a very good friend- the day she lost her mother. Oh, how she dug deep. How her husband was by her as they took on the job of raising her brothers. I always admired them for their partnership but certainly didn't understand the added dynamic loss threw at them.  I didn't know that, even all these years later, she has evolved in how she spends this day. It has likely gone from a day of consuming sadness to a day of reflection- still sadness of all they can't share. Whatever it is, today is her day to just breath.

It's also the wedding anniversary of another- the day she married her ex-husband. I don't completely understand the grief journey one goes through in divorce- but now I know it is real.  And for her, that man is no longer living. What complex emotions there must be for her and the challenge of guiding her grown children through theirs.

I saw a picture on Facebook today, of all days, of a lady who lost her husband when her three girls were small. I have thought of her countless times through the years and never told her. They are all gorgeous adult women now. I didn't admire her courage nearly enough then. I know now and am in awe of all she has done and the happiness they have found. I know that knowing there are people thinking of you is healing.

If I knew then, what I know now.....well, I didn't so I can just move forward with what I have learned.