They are still family

So, I had this very strange conversation with myself in the early days. I was so consumed with the fog I was living in, the tears from my girls.......even the dog was grieving. Everything seemed so wrong. But outside of the walls of my home was another world of those who lost - his family. I remember thinking, "Are they still my nieces and nephews now that he's gone?". "I was a sister-in-law and now I'm not- am I still family"? "What about all of those best friends of his that I would see when they were heading out to fish or hunt or camp. I don't fish or hunt and really don't care if I never sleep in a tent again. I have nothing in common with them anymore". The feeling that I lost him and everything that was tied to him hit hard but it hit as something that I simply need to accept.

Why did I think that? I have no idea. Because your brain doesn't work when it is focused on your survival.  I get random text messages from a far away niece and they absolutely warm my heart. I hear from some of his friends and keep in very close contact with his best friends. I don't make the 100 mile journey to see his brothers often and I think they are fine with that.....well, I thought so anyway. Another brother lives here in town but life gets busy and I don't get there often.

Two months ago, my Dad died. Ugh-I can hardly even type that phrase. When he was first admitted to the hospital, I let my local brother-in-law, Larry,  know and he passed on the information to the the rest. What happened the next 10 days was a good reality blast during a really dark time. At first his recovery was promising so I stepped away from the hospital for a couple of hours for my daughters gymnastics meet. There was enough going on in her world, she deserved fans in the stands. The meet just got started and who walked in- a brother. He too knew his sweet niece deserved some cheerleaders. As the days progressed and Dad didn't improve, I got phone calls from the 100 mile away in-laws. "We love you, Laura. We love those girls. We miss you.".  And more texts from that far away niece. They seriously showered me with support.

The story quickly ended and it was the day of his service. When I saw brothers and their wives approaching, I was so moved...more than they know. If Reid was still here, of course they would be here. But he wasn't. It's just me- the one that WAS married to their brother. And they still made the trip. They still attended the service. The still stayed to witness his military honors. They still showered me, my girls, my heartbroken mother....all of us with love and support.

At that moment, 30 months into this life without that connection, I realized I am still connected. What am I doing letting time go by without them? Letting my youngest grow up so quickly out of sight from her uncles. Those in-laws don't need to lose us. Haven't they lost enough?

I am committed to changing this.