Many of us who have traveled through loss, have learned some intense life lessons. There is so much advice to give to others but they will never really take it unless they are on a grief journey. It's just human nature. But we are on the ready to support when the time comes.
What if
What if the one who needs to learn from your experience is not one who is grieving.....but one who is leaving. Writing that takes my breath away but let's think this through. I have said many phrases in my head that have began with "I wish he would have...", "I wish I could....", "I'm so lucky he did....".... For everything from being thankful he saved those home improvement receipts or organized the tools to wishing he would have left a longer voice mail and many things in between.
What if
What I had known I would be thankful or wishing before? Would we have done things differently? This, is the gift I wish to give to woman I know. As she is facing......leaving.....she is desparately trying to make things easier on those she adores. She wants them to have less "I wish" and more "I'm lucky" as they start their own journey. Her courage is powerful and her selflessness is inspirational.
This requires crowdsourcing so when I feel like I have enough information, I will share the link with her.
Thank you for sharing your life lessons!
Click the comments, add ANY I wish or I'm Lucky or whatever words describe you with any story that says it best. Add your name and location if you want. Otherwise, it will say "Anonymous" and that will be just as wonderful. You can share with others....or not. You are gifting this knowledge to a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend.....just to name a few or her cherished roles..
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I will probably be one of many to say just how much I miss his voice. I have one very short voice mail that I never listen to but I know I can. I do not have one of my Dad. As I work to convert all of my old VHS tapes to modern media (one of those projects I always say I will do) I am hopeful I will find lost voices there.
ReplyDeleteI hate buying cars. Like the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. Reid insisted that we get a new car in April of 2016- 3 months before his last day. It was time to ditch the van and get something nicer. At the time, I was telling him that a new car is the last thing we need right now. We have bigger fish to fry. He insisted that we deserve it. So we....he....bought one. We planned out the loan so it would be paid off when the youngest started college. None of what was going through his mind occurred to me until one day my daughter and I were on our way to the mountain for boarding and skiing. She was asleep in the car, the roads were messy and I thought..."Thank god I'm not still in that van"....it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is why he wanted me to have this car. Why he insisted the extra room in the back would be more useful than a 3rd row. Why something with a little zip to it would be more fun since I would always be the one driving. He knew it would just be the two of us at home. He knew I would be on my own financially to fund her college and a car loan would add to that burden. And he took care of all of it. I still have that car and it's perfect.
ReplyDeleteI’m lucky to have wonderful letters, cards, and notes from my Mom. She did a great job finding the words to show her love, pride, support, and to give advice. The most treasured letters she gave me were at the time of my wedding and when I became a mother.
ReplyDelete~Lisa B.
I’m a words person and I f I was faced with the reality of my soon departure, I’d spend hours writing to/about/for my loved ones. Envelopes to be opened on special occasions. My son’s wedding. My husband’s retirement. Sister’s 1st grandbaby. Birthday cards. Well wishes for random dates and “open me if you had a bad day” letters. I’d also pour out the rest of my story into a document, w/o concern for grammar and flow. I’d finish the “Journal for my Son” that my mom gave me years ago, with prompts for life firsts, opinions and tales. I’d say goodbye. I love you. I’m proud. I’d say all the things I say every day/week… so that our shared joy & love would linger in a permanent, tangible way for them. AND my voice. I’d record some of my thoughts, etc as voice recordings and videos!
ReplyDeleteI would say make a recording of your voice! It might not be something they will be able to listen to at first - but I would give ANYTHING to hear Larry's voice again!! Especially if he's laughing or happy in the recording! I actually know people who have never deleted a voice mail - don't listen to it often - but it's there when they feel they can hear it!
ReplyDelete- Carol W.
My friend's mom had all her passwords in one place with all auto payments/deliveries.
ReplyDeleteIt all seems so petty and mundane when facing something so big, but the reality is, it eases the life of the grieving, and what a precious gift that is.
Having a recording of a loved one’s voice is priceless!! I have continued paying for a landline for years because I didn’t know how to keep the recording on my voicemail of my mother and father in law who I miss terribly. Words put to paper is just as meaningful. I found a letter my father had sent me as an adult that was so touching telling me how proud he was of the woman I was becoming. He did not share his feelings openly so this is something I truly treasure! On the practical side, I remember my father showing me where he kept all his financial information account numbers and such “just in case” he said. I brushed it off and told him not to talk like that. He died suddenly a few years later. What a blessing that knowledge was considering he was the one that dealt with anything financial. My mother was so thankful for him telling me. Because of this I now have a notebook of all that information because I am the one who pays the bills. I also found funeral plan he had made with scriptures and songs we wanted included. Apparently he knew something we didn’t. I would say I wish I knew more about his childhood and life. He didn’t talk much about those things and I wish I would have spent the time having those conversations and recorded in some form the details I wish I had now. Most of all I would say make sure the ones you love know how much you love them everyday you and they are alive…..through actions and words! Oh and also make sure you are in those photos even if you’re not feeling particularly pretty that day!!!
ReplyDeletehttps://welcome.storyworth.com/ The kids got this for their Dad on Father’s Day. We really enjoy all he wrote.
ReplyDeleteRob and I met with an attorney a few years ago. He had us sign the back of all the titles to vehicles, boat and trailer. DON’T DATE THEM. After Rob passed I was able to transfer the titles easily.
ReplyDeleteAnd we did a Transfer on Death Deed on our house. This allowed the house to automatically transfer to me. When I pass, it will automatically go to the kids. This keeps my estate value down.
I wish I had more videos of just everyday things. One of my favorite videos is dad drying my sisters hair. I think we were on our way to Alison and Chris’s wedding and I just love seeing him being a dad.
ReplyDelete-Sydney
Because I lived in the house for more than 2 years, I was potentially in some capital gains trouble. We had done a lot of work on the house but I am terrible at saving records. When I was finally packing true house and moving, in the basement I found a file holding all of the receipts organized perfectly. This was just what I needed and it saved me a lot of money and no fear of being audited- I have proof.
ReplyDeleteI’m lucky I have a bit of my dad’s handwriting. I wish I had more writing of his- things like letters or notes. Things I could read over and over. I also wish I had dad‘s voice recorded. I used to call his old phone so I could hear his voicemail. I did 100 times, maybe more.
ReplyDeleteLisa quit her job and spent 90% of her time hanging out at home with her cats, and the other 10% working a part-time job with people who really appreciated her skills and knowledge. She also had friends over regularly to knit and drink wine and just hang out, even when she was getting really tired. That gathering of people was so good for her and for us.
ReplyDeleteA friend quit her toxic job, took time off, and went back to work at a place she really enjoyed. I’m so glad she remodeled her kitchen into something she loved; I’m sorry she didn’t do the rest of the house, or get her hip replacement surgery, or do more travel, but pandemic got in the way too. I’ve spent all weekend thinking about this and I hope your friend gets some ideas to work with.
ReplyDelete