Love now

It has been so long since I have posted anything on here. Disappearing is not the best approach to sharing.

So, I have been learning from loss and the learning has been just as painful and surprising as before. I lost my husband to health issues. He fought. I fought. And then, one day, there was nothing more to do. The loss is extraordinary. Children should not lose their Dad. Ever. He is missing gymnastics meets, dance recitals, college graduations, the list goes on. The impact to my girls is consuming. He has brothers that were so integrated in our lives. He is missing that. All of the complexities of leaving much too soon....as if there is such thing as leaving on time.

My next lesson was December of 2018.  I lost my Dad on December 26th to complications from a routine preventative procedure. So, while he was 70 so had a longer life, the complexity of the anger around this is real. Plus, it was too soon. I worry about my Mom constantly. It has made me question if this is the worry my girls had or have for me. I wish they wouldn't worry but I bet they can't help it. Then I start questioning if my Mom worries about my brother and I as much as I do my girls. So much to learn. So much to realize.

So on this day, Valentines Day, how can I come to terms with all of this? Well, all of the heartache is because of love....and I would go through it again. I'll continue to grieve those lost tremendously but trying to focus on love those still here. They bring me so so much Joy.